Thingamajigs
by Djehmli
Summary: AU/OOC for the Weekly One-Shot Challenges of 2011 Nos. 4 & 5 -  What if Sookie took a page from Eric's strategic guide and pulled on the big girl panties when Lochlan and Neave grabbed her. Could things have ended up very different?


A/N - SVM Characters belong to Mrs. Harris, alternate story line is my own. I was in the middle of finishing up a chapter for MOTS last night when I popped into the Weekly One-shot challenges and saw last week's and this week's theme. Let's just say the Sookie and Eric Muse haven't shut up since, and I have been writing all day. I hope I am not breaking too many rules by combining the two themes but I could not resist.

_Week 4 -Theme - "Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?" -Abraham Lincoln (for Week ending January 23)_

_Week 5 -Theme - Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase. -Martin Luther King, Jr. (for Week ending January 30)_

Summary -AU/OOC for the_** Weekly One-Shot Challenges of 2011 Nos. 4 & 5**_ - What if Sookie took a page from Eric's strategic guide and pulled on the big girl panties when Lochlan and Neave grabbed her. Could things have ended up very different? Set during Dead and Gone.

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**Thingamajigs**

_(Some where in a bar in Louisiana)_**  
**

"My name is Sookie Stackhouse. I am a telepathic human fairy hybrid from the town of Bon Temps Louisiana and my bonded husband is the vampire Eric Northman, Sheriff of Area 5 and owner of this bar. Whew, how's that for an introduction? So why am I telling you all this? You wanted to know how you found me sitting in the throne of the Master Vampire didn't you."

You nod to encourage the blonde blue eyed pin up girl seated before you to continue.

"I thought as much, they all do when they come in here. Words of warning though, don't bother trying to take a picture they just piss Eric off."

You nod sagely and hope this strange girl will continue but you look around the bar surreptitiously hoping her husband isn't nearby.

She settles back in the heavy carved wood and fur chair which took up most of the room on the bar's center platform, somehow still presenting herself as a genteel southern woman despite the midnight blue leather cat suit she is wearing.

"Well the tale really starts when I was still a waitress at Merlotte's, a bar in Bon Temps and the night I met my first vampire but I don't think you have enough time to hear all that nonsense so I will skip forward to ..." Her voice takes on a story tellers tempo and you find yourself seduced by the liquid syllables as you listen.

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**Scene 1 - SPOV**

Things had been more than a bit strained between Eric and me. We had made it through a coup by Felipe de Castro, vampire King of Nevada which left Eric the only Sheriff allowed to live in all of Louisiana after he surrendered to de Castro's lieutenant Victor Madden. Of course it couldn't be as simple as changing locks on a new house and sweeping out the dust bunnies. That same night Eric remembered the time he and I had been lovers, friends and well soul mates during a too short week in January, when some witches wiped his mind clean. He had sworn to love me and care for me and leave all he had built over a thousand years behind for a lowly human. Could you blame either of us for being so totally overwhelmed that evening?

So I did what I am best at, I ran away mentally when he wanted to take a few moments to talk. I brushed him off afraid of diving into emotions too painful as well as bringing up the point I had killed a woman in front of him. Sure she had been a shifter, a were, but still a woman in my mind, and Eric was nothing if not devious when it came to blackmail and manipulation. So while I am running away and Eric is trying to deal with a whole emotional side of him he thought dead and buried a millennium ago. I end up saving Eric and Felipe de Castro from a mad Siegbert, former body guard for the previous very dead Monarchy. Of course King de Castro offered me protection for saving his cape draped hide. I accepted the protection and Eric disappeared back into vampire politics trying to keep all of us safe and protected, so he claimed. I just plain missed him and dreaded the talk we would soon need to have.

I don't know if you've noticed a trend here, but the supernatural world and I, well it seems like nothing but trouble is around the corner when I am around. You've only heard about my vampire issues; wait till I tell you about the Fairy side of my life.

I had recently found out I had a Great Grandfather I never knew about. His name was Niall Brigant and he was Prince of the Sky Fae. Fae are what we call fairies if you didn't know. Before you get all excited thinking about tinker bell and pretty winged sexy females, drop everything other than sexy from your thoughts. Fairies are definitely sexy; they can be one of the most beautiful creatures you have ever seen. Their scent is almost indescribable and their blood to a vampire is pure intoxication.

But the Fae aren't all fluffy kittens and puppy dog tails, hidden beneath those gorgeous exteriors lay a predator as deadly, cunning and vicious as a vampire. The two species were just as long lived and natural enemies, in fact a war between vampire and Fae had almost decimated the fairy population. You couple that loss with the fact the human population was booming along with use of the Fae's most deadly weaknesses, iron and you have a slew of Fae on the defensive retreating as they could back to Faerun and leaving human Fae hybrid babies behind.

This is where I come into the story. You see my Grandmother Adele Hale Stackhouse had an affair with Niall's half human son Fintan, which resulted in my Dad, Corbett and my Aunt Linda being born. My parents were killed in a flood when I was seven, leaving my brother Jason and I as orphans living with Gran, and shortly thereafter Gran never saw her lover Fintan again. I found out later it was because he was trying to protect us.

When Fintan was killed in the politics which over run Faerun, my Great Grandfather Niall found out about me and used my connection to Eric Northman to get in touch. I was overwhelmed and then excited at first to find I had another living relative, family means a lot to me. But God help me, now I sometime wish he had just left me alone for then I might not have had to go through one of the most painful and dangerous nights of my human lifetime.

Eric had recently pulled the 'we are married by knife in the vampire way' trick on me to keep me from ending up as a leashed telepath in the court of de Castro. He of course had done this without my knowledge as a way to protect me and other more personal reasons. To say I was a bit sulky and miffed was an understatement. Then Diantha, the half demon daughter of Mr. Cataliades paid me a visit with a warning that the fairy were on the move, there was a civil war brewing between the clans and apparently I was a tasty lure to make my Great Grandfather cooperate.

I decided to call the twins Claude and Claudine for more information. Claudine was my 'fairy godmother' in a way, she was charged with protecting me while she tried to ascend the fairy ladder to what sounded like angelhood. I didn't make it easy on her. Her brother Claude was as gorgeous as a renaissance statue with just as much personality and he was gay. I could honestly say we didn't care too much for each other, but his sister loved me and we were Family, Niall was their grandfather. (Have I mentioned how the Fairy seem to have a penchant for multiple partners?)

The twins met me for lunch and explained that Niall was not well liked by many of the Fae because of his enjoyment of humans and their world. Some of the Fae, like his brother Rogan and Rogan's son Breandan, felt humans were destroying their people and stealing their magic. They felt human fairy hybrids to be an abomination. Niall and his faction seemed to feel the addition of human genetics into the fairy blood lines made their species stronger, more tolerant of iron and increased the chances of a female carrying their child to term. Niall was especially excited when it appeared the essential spark, the little something which allowed the fairy to use magic passed on to the hybrid children. You see, I appeared to have that spark, my brother Jason did not. I wasn't flinging around spells or anything, and I've been assured my telepathy is probably a human trait, but there was something in me Niall could sense and drew him to me, unlike Jason. Of course the fact Jason was a dead ringer for Dermot, Fintan's twin brother and someone who considered themselves enemy of Niall didn't help.

Claude and Claudine left me with the ominous warning my life was at risk and if I saw a fairy who resembled my brother, run like hell the other way.

The next morning I decided to get some yard work done and strolled to the garden shed to grab an old iron trowel Gran used to use. It was so heavy and sharp; slicing through the tough wooden roots of the most stubborn weeds was a breeze. It was while I was hacking at such a weed that I caught the stray thought which saved my life.

"I'll enjoy killing you for my lord," is just not the way to make friends. I reacted on pure instinct and spun around thrusting with the old trowel. I had only a moment to register pale blue eyes in a beautifully masculine face before my makeshift weapon slid through him like butter and he collapsed, definitely dead, at my feet in wide eyed astonishment.

Well fuck, now what. He was obviously fairy so I called Niall who came with another relative, Claude and Claudine's father Dillon, to assist with the clean up. I guess fairy and vampire have a bit in common. Fairy fall to dust when they die just like vampires fall to ash and goo. A good hose off later and I seemed to be in the clear. That is until I was told cousin Breandan could still track his friend Murry, the guy I just killed. Great, now Breandan had another reason to want to kill my butt. Niall didn't seem to mind, he was proud as a papa I had killed an enemy, reminding me of Eric's proud grin in a few similar circumstances.

Speaking of Eric, that same evening he showed up at my house, splitting up a fight between two of my ex's, Vampire Bill and Were-Tiger Quinn. He wasn't a happy chipper to find me unconscious on my front porch. He shooed them all away and then nursed me back to consciousness and soon thereafter found his way back into my arms and between my thighs.

It was a renewal of sorts, a tentative trial to capture a missing week in time and mesh it with the current political nightmare we were both involved in. We needed each other and the love neither one of us was quite ready to admit for the other. For a few hours we had an island of peace to shelter us. I was cuddled into Eric in post coital bliss when I mentioned Murry and fairies. We spoke at length and I made the first stubborn mistake which almost cost my life. I refused Eric's request I stay with him in his home so he could keep me safe. I know now there was much more to the request than simple protection services, but I had to wrap myself in my misbegotten pride and stiffly turn him down. Funny how pride is the first to fly away when shit hits the fan.

So I went through a few more days of blissful stupidity, casually making mistakes two, three and four. Mistake number two, I finally gave in and asked Eric officially for protection, I just didn't ask it in a way which told him how deadly serious the problem was, so he sent only Bubba. (Who by the way is a story for another time.) Then I asked Amelia, my witchy roommate for help and ended up with her boyfriend Trey being pulled into the mess, Trey was a were-wolf. I of course failed once again to tell the whole story and it cost people their lives. Lastly my Great Grandfather popped into my home covered with fairy blood to tell me Breandan had killed a fairy woman. Since there were very few of them, that was a purely evil move. I didn't want Niall to worry so when he asked about my protection level, I lied, and sent him on his merry way thinking I was as protected as Fort Knox.

My protection was so not kosher for the job that it was easy for me to be snatched by the evil twin fairy duo known as Lochlan and Neave. They snatched me right off my front porch and the next thing I knew I woke in a mildew infested holey shack in the bayou with a nine teen twenties photograph hanging on the wall.

The fairy twins, here on out known as Thing one and Thing two, were gorgeous and decidedly evil. When I regained consciousness I had hoped the blood I shared with various vampires were going to be enough to bring them my way, but I couldn't be guaranteed of that, and as these two creatures taunted and teased me in the filthy shed I realized I was going to have to find a way to take care of myself. I was so freaking sick of other creatures using me as a pawn for their own game of chess. I didn't want to die damnit; I had too much to say to the vampire I realized I loved with all my human heart.

Thing one and two were getting wound up when I interrupted them.

"You said you owe fealty to Breandan and he knows you were to grab me?"

"Yes do you not hear with those round ears? We are to take you so Niall will come running and Breandan can kill him. Then the portals will close and no more will you filthy beasts trouble us," said Neave.

"We get to use you and play with you while Breandan tells Niall we have you, we only have to keep you breathing. Breandan didn't say anything else about not playing." She bared the longest most evil set of teeth I had ever seen, every one capped with silver. I had to think fast before playtime began. What could I do or say to convince these creatures to stop. Well if Eric were here he would find a way to play off one against the other, of course Eric could also immediately heal from the wounds they had just started to inflict.

"Stop!" I screamed pulling out a wild card. "Take me to Breandan and I can tell him where Niall is, I can tell him where all of the rest of Niall's family is located. I hate them too. You don't have to do this." I lied through my teeth and hoped they bought it.

Thing one and two raised bloody faces to look at each other and I drew hard on the reserve of strength I didn't know I had to bluff my way through this. Please dear God, don't let these two be the brains of the operation. I needed to have faith this crazy idea would pan out and just save what little was left of my human hide.

"Breandan wouldn't waste time with the likes of you," Lochlan said with scorn as he positioned himself for another healthy bite.

"Are you absolutely sure of that?" I begged. "The information I have could swiftly end the war between your people. What if another of your female clan perishes on a Sky Fae blade because you did not even ask him?" I was delving into their filth ridden foggy minds to pull out information to use to my advantage. It was worse than trying to read a shifter, but since Murry's thoughts had been so clear I had to keep trying.

I worked on convincing them for an indescribably amount of pain filled time, alternatively screaming out mentally for Eric. The fact he hadn't arrived like a vampire in shining armor had added a layer of additional worry. I knew the strength I was pulling on had to be coming from him, but soon neither one of us would be able to survive this fairy dinner in the bayou dive.

Something I said, and I really don't know what finally got through to the fornicating duo and the male Lochlan popped away to find Breandan. Given a brief respite, I took measure of my injuries and realized I looked pretty much like I had been wrung through the meat grinder. I was in agony, but it was bearable because of the strength I was drawing from Eric and the mental shields I had built to stuff it away into. Pain could come later; right now I was battling to live.

I was counting on the fact that Breandan was not any different than your typical egotistical male. He was positive his way was the right way and every other way was wrong. I was counting on his disrespect of humans to want to dismiss my arguments unless I made them sound like his own ideas. Which they would be, if I could get into his mind to seek out his weaknesses. Who knew I would get a crash course in reading the Fae in middle of torture.

My internal dialog was interrupted when Lochlan popped back into the room with a tall handsome fairy with red hair tied back in a braid. I tried to ignore the gore covered sword he held in one hand and the blood splashed silver knife he had tucked into his belt. In a short period of time the sword was held at my throat and a smooth sexy tenor voice was demanding to know why he had been interrupted.

I took a deep breath, tried to channel Eric and delved into the seething cauldron which was Breandan Brigant's mind. I was surprised how easily it was to slip between his shields but the thoughts and images and memories I found behind them had tears streaming down my bloody face. I saw my parents die at his command and I saw the reason why. I saw a mostly human hybrid kill his mother and his father pass on from iron poisoning. The consequence of working on a product meant to protect the Fae from the deadly ore.

I saw this man watch and grow as his people sickened and died and killed each other, body piling upon body in a stupid civil war that no one could win. Now there were only two Princes left, Niall and the man before me. Each positive his way was right and blindly sending their people to their doom. So I started speaking, not knowing which of my words would spell my death, and carefully picked my way up the stairs to potential freedom.

I spoke to Breandan of his people, of the wonderful memories he had. Of the families and laughing children and how awful it was for this war to tear them asunder. I begged him to rethink his strategy, hadn't enough Fae died on the sword, victims only because they cared for humans? And what about the humans themselves, sure humans could be evil, but hadn't the influx of human children allowed child bearing to be easier.

That particular line of questioning brought forth a memory from his past. It appeared Breandan had been guilty of what he now killed others for. He had fallen in love with a human woman, only to be scorned when she discovered what he was, pushing him away in fear. Her rejection had grown and twisted and corrupted over time, helping to push him over the mental edge with the death of his father.

I don't know how long I spoke, I only knew my voice was becoming hoarse and I was running out of time. Breandan was still standing there listening to me when Niall and Bill arrived. Thing one and two had fallen silent and were sitting quietly in the back corner watching the two of us like a tennis match. They leaped up with a hiss when my rescuers arrived and it was a tense moment until I spoke.

'Stop it, all of you there isn't any need for all of this, can't you see that?" I begged as I dove into my Great Grandfather's mind instead. Like Breandan I started to pull memories and thoughts and images forth. I sorted through them as fast as my exhausted mind could and started to speak again.

I spoke of the memories Niall had of teaching Breandan as a child and traveling alongside his brother Rogan. I spoke of the joys of family and the grief which comes from brother against brother, uncle against uncle, father against son. When I could find nothing else to convince them I tried one last time to end the bloodshed.

"Isn't it time to stop killing each other and save your people together? Why must more die when the answer is simple? If you fear the humans are poisoning your world then close the portals. Let those whom wish to remain with humans stay, what harm would there be. But make sure they understand if they remain they will never be able to return to the Fae. No more women need to die; no more families need to be torn asunder. No more children killed before they have a chance to be born. The two of you, here now, have a chance to end this war, isn't the cry of a new born Fae child worth it?"

And I pulled the image I had grabbed from Niall about pregnant Claudine and projected it to both of them. In the original image I showed a happy and serene Claudine rocking fairy twins in her arms with a loving husband over her shoulder. In the next image I projected a very dead Claudine, her unborn children cut from her womb splayed out on a battle field surrounded by dozens of other fairy men and women.

With my last words I fell back onto the table I had been chewed upon and panted for breath. The pain was becoming over whelming and either way it would end soon. Either they would kill me or each other, or I would finally be able to go home to vampire blood and lots of morphine.

Bill was still hovering in the corner, Thing one and two wouldn't let him near me, though I really wished it was Eric who was here. The strength I had been taking from him had ceased a bit ago and when I tried to reach for him the emptiness I felt was ominous.

Niall and Breandan were speaking to each other, so far neither one of them had drawn blood, maybe my plan was going to work after all.

Finally Breandan stepped away and waved a hand in dismissal to the twins then looked me over with a hint of dawning respect in his eyes.

"You are worthy to carry the family name," he admitted grudgingly. "Your viper tongue is reminiscent of my fathers. We have agreed to close the portal and will cease the bloodshed for the moment. We will try to... talk."

"So I can go home now?" I asked hopefully.

"We will take you where you wish to go," Breandan said as Niall helped me carefully to my feet. Bill was still standing around looking like a third wheel and I flashed him a thankful smile.

"Could you take me to Eric please?" I replied becoming more worried by the minute.

Niall nodded and the next moment the four of us were standing in Eric's office. I had only a second to register the fact my lover was being attacked and covered in silver by several other vampires when I saw the face of Victor Madden. I screamed in fury, disregarding the fact I was bleeding profusely in a room full of vampires and attacked, yanking the silver knife from Breandan's belt and leaping onto Victor.

The battle was over swiftly. The Nevada vampires had been caught by surprise by the two fairy warriors and Bill leaping into the fray. Pam was able to get loose from her captors and joined in as well. When the fight was over, I was slumped in agony against the chest of my Viking vampire and Victor was the one in silver chains looking around in astonishment. He was the only one left alive from his retinue.

"Victor," I said my voice little more than a hoarse croak. "I would like you to meet my family, Prince Niall and Prince Breandan of the Fae. I think you were warned once what would happen if you fucked around with me and mine." He only nodded. "Good, then run back to Nevada and tell your King thanks but no thanks for his worthless protection, and if you ever again attack my husband or try to keep him from me these two," and I pointed to Niall and Breandan. "Will have the assassins Neave and Lochlan on your asses so fast you won't know what hit you until you are ash and gone. Do I make myself clear?"

My family members looked appropriately vicious, bearing serrated teeth. I suppressed a shudder at seeing my Great Grandfather in such a light. Victor nodded emphatically.

"Good, now Gentlemen, if you will excuse us Eric and I have some healing to do." It wasn't the most gracious exit but I needed to get the hell out of there before someone changed their mind and I ended up dead.

The fairies popped away and Eric summoned Thalia to help Pam with a subdued Victor. Then I was taken to Eric's house where he proceeded to nurse me back to health and prove beyond a shadow of a doubt his love for me. It took a while for the scars both physical and emotional to heal and I had a tearful goodbye when Claude and a very pregnant Claudine took the portal home to Faerun. I thanked Bill for coming to help me and we were able to heal a few relationship wounds, though he knows I love Eric and can only offer friendship to him.

I still cry for the loss of Trey and Eric holds me and kisses away my pain. It was a hard lesson I learned that wicked day, when my enemies became my friends and the loss of faith was only a step away...

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_(Back in the bar in Louisiana)_

Her beautiful voice fades and you shake yourself from the trance she has induced. You look up into her glowing red rimmed eyes and care not for the tears which stream down your cheeks. You are not the only one of the many gathered wiping away discretely traces of snot. The whole bar has gone quiet during the spinning of her tale.

The silence is broken by the rush of a breeze and suddenly a tall Nordic male is standing behind the woman on the throne.

"You have them in the palm of your hand as usual I see," he says with a smile as he bends from his greater height to kiss her tenderly.

You catch the glimpse of her smile after he releases her. You use the flash of a camera and the chaos which ensues to slip from the bar quietly. Was there a hint of fang briefly displayed behind pouty lips when her lover had released her? No you decide as you start your car. A creature so soft and tender, so sweet and and full of life could be nothing but a human.


End file.
